The Crazy Couple Chronicles. Volume 1

Weirdos

Last night after, you know (wink wink), Mark and I were laying in bed soaking up the afterglow as I ate my free cookie from subway and he read Jon Acuff’s book Stuff Christian’s Like, I thought about us. I had to giggle as I took a look at ourselves, our legs entangled, our cheeks rosy, me littering our marital bed with cookie crumbs and Mark was catching up on some reading. We’re not your typical couple. Which made me think about how much we’re not your typical Christian couple.



Mark and I have known for a while that we’re different. Weird. Quirky. Crazy. Call us what you want, we’re cool with it. But it was only in the last year that we began to realize that we’re also strange in the realms of Christendom. You’ve heard our frustrations about some current trends in Christianity, we’ve ranted about bad doctrine, and we’ve shared with you our search for church. Before writing this blog we were wondering if we would ever find other Christians who thought like us, who longed to follow Christ like us, and who didn’t necessarily buy all the hype coming from the pulpits like us. If we found Christians who were willing to love everyone, even the “unloveables” they weren’t grounded in the Word and Christians who were supposedly grounded in the Word were legalistic or overly political. We also love to discuss and debate and many Christians either aren’t knowledgeable in their own doctrine or are offended by the idea some stuff is even up for debate. Now this blog and others have opened our eyes to the vast number of like-minded, articulate Christians that are out there. But...we are still strange, and still not very typical.

What makes you so atypically crazy, you ask? Well I’m about to tell you. Many times our strangeness isn’t so glaringly bright until we compare it to the popular connotations out there that come with the phrase Christian couple. There are certain expectations from secular and religious folks when you let yourself be labeled as a Christian couple, or even THE Christian couple. I’m pretty sure we don’t meet anyone’s expectations. Here are a few reasons why.

This is what happens with too much wine.

-We like wine. A lot. And good beer too. We’re all about moderation. Most of the time. We had a couple of bottles set aside for our anniversary. We then discovered a third in our wine cooler that we didn’t know we had, after that moderation went on vacation for the night. Then I made the mistake of remembering the set of bottles my sister had gotten us with specific instructions on them. The only one left after a year of marriage is the one Mark was supposed to open when we find out we’re pregnant. On our anniversary after imbibing too much I grabbed the bottle, held it over my head and said, “Who wants some baby wine?!” Sorry Jilly Bean! Do I feel like a sinner? Not at all. I spent the night giggling with my husband and the next day I had a headache the size of Utah. Such charades have their time and place.

-We like the UFC. For those unfamiliar with that acronym, it stands for Ultimate Fighting Championship. It’s MMA, or mixed martial arts. And it rocks our socks off. We’re all about nonviolence in real life, outside the octagon. But in the sport of MMA we get very excited about knock outs and submissions! And we’re not just fans. We’re amateur enthusiasts. We practice what we call “Living Room UFC”. Don’t worry, there is no punching allowed, and only pretend kicks. It’s mostly wrestling. I’m pretty sure Mark goes easy on me, but I give it all I got. I still end up tapping out more than him, but I have great choke defense, I can really tuck my chin!

-Mark changes the words to songs. Since a large amount of music played in this house is Christian, most would probably think he is making fun of Christian music. Not so. He changes the words to all songs. And sings them at random. Currently, as I write this, he is going back and forth singing to me or the cat. The tune is Toby Mac’s “I was Made to Love You”. Marks’ version is either, “I was made to love C (that’s me)” or “I was made to love Gems (the cat), I was made to hold Gems, I was made to be loved by Gems. Meow Meow Meow.” This is my life and it is always entertaining.

-We like independent films. Or just cute quirky movies. A friend once found out that not only have we seen, but we love the movie Away We Go and was surprised by this. It’s not a Christian film and there are probably some things that are not “correct” in it, but we love it. It is about an unmarried couple about to have their first child and trying to figure out where they want to raise the child. They aren’t married because the woman’s parents are dead and she refuses to have a wedding without them. It is funny and super cute. There is very little swearing and most everything is wholesome. While they think they are unusual, they soon learn they are not nearly as strange as some of their friends. You should go to Redbox or Netflix and rent this movie. It’s good!

-In our tiny house Mark has a pretty good view of a chunk of the kitchen from where he sits in the living room. If he is in the living room while I’m cooking dinner I stand in the part of the kitchen visible to the leave room and show off some stellar dance movies until Mark notices me. Many times I am holding a wooden spoon or a spatula.

-If Mark is walking through the kitchen while I’m cooking or washing dishes I will stand directly in front of him and drop it likes it hot. So he can fully appreciate the goods.

-We talk to our cat. Like she can understand us. Sometimes we continue the conversation like she is replying. The way Mark talks to the cat is different and I think it might be genetic cause I’ve heard his dad talk to the dog in the same voice.

-We are disgustingly romantic. Sometimes while I’m cooking I’ll uncork a bottle of wine. Mark has been known to come into the kitchen share some wine and read me some poetry. Or to put on some Leonard Cohen and share an impromptu slow dance with me. We read to each other, we rub each others feet (Mark doles out more rubbies than I do) and we take bubble baths together. I told you. Disgusting. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

-We like to go night crawler hunting. Just cause its fun.....ok, ok, ok Mark says I have to let you know we do use the poor worms for fishing, it’s not like we have a night crawler prison in our basement or anything....but we did contemplate the small business of a night crawler farm. We were going to under cut all the other sellers in town!

-We work out together. Mark has taught me how to correctly lift weights and we enjoy running. Mark is, many times, my cheerleader. Sometimes I am grumpy with his “cheering”. Once when my stomach hurt I think he called me a wimp and sprinted a head of me, knowing that it would make me mad and I would run faster. I think I flipped him off. Mostly we encourage each other. But Mark knows if I’m slacking and making excuses, pissing me off usually lights the fire.

Engaging in conversation with Gem.

So there you have it. A little glimpse into our weirdness. Trust me this is not everything, but we’ve only known each other for a short time, we don’t want to embarrass ourselves by divulging too much.

What about you? Are you typical or atypical? What strange things to you do behind closed doors? Are you a closet weirdo like us? Do you think we’re crazy or strange? Please share the strangeness! Don’t be shy!

PS Please don’t stop reading our blog after finding out all this stuff about us!!